Truth, Lies, and the Poop on Hairspray

My day started innocuously enough: an early Sunday morning walk with Max around the neighborhood. As we returned, I saw a barefoot man across the street on his neighbor's lawn, watching as his dog took a dump. I recognized the dog as one that is often on a chain in the front yard of a house five doors down. Right or wrong, I assumed the man was not planning to pick up his furry friend's package so I stood and watched. He did the cursory look around before walking off and saw me.



"What?" he said, looking embarassed.

"I'm just waiting to watch you pick it up," I said.

"I'm gonna pick it up." He pats his pocket looking for a non-existent bag. It was now clear to me that my assumption was correct - his dog's morning elimination was now his neighbor's responsibility. And he knew that I knew.

"I'm gonna pick it up." he said weakly.

If I had a bag I would've given it to him but I had just used my last one so I said, "Just don't walk your dog past my property." Then I turned the corner away from him.

"Where do you live?" he replied, gaining back a vertebrae or two.

"You're an asshole," I said and continued walking down the block, passing my own house, and turning another corner so he wouldn't know exactly where I lived.

Later, I told George about this encounter, and he yelled at me.

"You didn't say that. He's our neighbor. That is rude. I know he was wrong but sometimes you go to far. That wasn't necessary."

I felt so stupid. I had to tell George the truth.

"Um, well, I actually said 'asshole' under my breath and we were kinda already down the block from each other by then so I'm sure he didn't hear. I think I'd be more frightened than I am right now if I thought he'd actually heard it."

"Really?" George said.

"Yea. I was just trying to be a superman."

He laughed so I think we're cool.



So, with poop on my mind, I decided to see Hairspray, the film version of the Broadway musical update of the 1988 film starring Divine (who famously ate dog poop in Pink Flamingos - full circle). Well, the 2007 musical, which I shall refer to as H2, is a vibrant, tuneful, exciting and yes, at times, overwhelming film. The one/two punch of Good Morning Baltimore and The Nicest Kids in Town, the Corny Collins scorcher, gets your adrenaline pumping. From that point, it falls into familiar high school musical terrain (a la Grease) albeit with the much more interesting theme of integration and race relations. H2 is a throwback to older style musicals where the characters break into song; more recent musicals like Chicago and Dreamgirls added their songs to the periphery of the story - on stages, in recording studios, and in someone's mind. In H2, people sing in the streets and break out in song at a whim. This works as H2 is a joyously wonderful movie experience.

The big question I had entering the theatre was the casting of John Travolta in the role of Edna Turnblad. It took a while before I sorted out my feelings on Travolta's performance. I was glad the director eased Edna into the 2007 storyline; she doesn't show up until after the opening numbers and is very low-key. Edna is now portrayed as an agoraphobic who hasn't left the house in 12 years. The H2 Edna is ashamed of her size; and it subtly plays into that fact when you see Travolta hiding behind synthetic makeup. Don't get me wrong, Travolta turns in a strong and sympathetic performance - one of which he can be proud. But there is a certain irony in someone wearing fat makeup playing a character that dislikes, and is ashamed, of her size. Why was he chosen to play the role? Or why wasn't the weight gain real? So, with all these questions, I decided to watch the original Hairspray (which we'll call H1) for the first time in close to twenty years.



First and foremost, H1 is a comedy, not a musical. The songs serve as musical numbers for the Corny Collins dancers or as background music commenting (applicably well) on the action. H1 feels very real and accurate. (Writer/director John Waters commented that the Corny Collins show is an exact replica of the Buddy Dean show he remembers from his childhood.) It also carries a scenario that is often tastelessly funny (as one might expect from Waters). H2, on the other hand, is a full blown Hollywood musical from the first frame to the last, with over-the-top characters, wild splashy dances, eye-popping colors, a sinfully, infectious score, and a much cleaned-up scenario. (No pimple-popping scene in H2.)

In H1, Divine is proud of her bulkiness. Her size is a non-issue. Divine's Edna is big and wears a house coat, has frumpy, oily hair, and a sweet and sour attitude. While Travolta's character needs provocation to become Tracy's agent, Divine's Edna moves from her mother to her agent to her business manager in a matter of time without provocation. When I first saw Divine onscreen, I realized Travolta's make-up needn't have been so massive if he was going to play the H2 Edna as written. Harvey Fierstein, Bruce Vilanch, and Michael McKean have all famously played Edna at different sizes. Some real weight gain and a little padding would've done wonders for the reality of Travolta's Edna. (Didn't DeNiro do that for Raging Bull? Renee Zellweger?) Not that Travolta is bad; I warmed to his portrayal but it took time.

As for the rest of the movies, Nikki Blonsky and Ricki Lake are both wonderful in the role of Tracey Turnblad with Blonsky playing sweet and pushy as well as Lake does sweet and snarky. The appearance of Jerry Stiller in H2 as Mr. Pinky was a wonderful surprise, and both of his performances (Wilbur Turnblad in H1) are a delight. The morphing of Mink Stole and Deborah Harry into Michelle Pfeiffer is a miracle of cinematic proportions. Christopher Walken's turn as Wilbur is sure to earn him an award nod of some sort. The use of Town without Pity, a song about an interracial romance, in H1 is poignant and, in H1 again, the wino's song is as emotionally relevant as Queen Latifah's I Know Where I've Been is to H2. Both are mastery. Amanda Bynes and Elijan Kelley are winning as Tracy's friends, Penny and Seaweed in H2. And, in H1, the way Waters builds the noise level in the Special Ed class to become the beat that the kids dance to is nothing short of brilliant. There are none of these off-the-wall touches in H2 (except maybe Travolta's wink to his Pulp Fiction dance). But it's still a great, fun film. And the original? It's even more enjoyable, just in a different way. And remember, there ain't nothing like the real thing, baby.



Or, if you'd like, here's the 1977 update which shall hereafter be referred to as ANLTRT2. Interesting how the camp version came second in this instance.

Bees Gone

Remember Highlights? It's a children's magazine that I always found in the doctor's office when I was younger. It had a section called Hidden Pictures in which you had to find the differences between two almost identical pictures.

In the spirit of Highlights, here are two pictures of my home in Denver. The first was taken before it was purchased. The second was taken a few weeks back. I've already circled the differences so you don't have to pull your hair out.



So, what actually is missing? An 80 year old silver maple tree.

We got a letter from the Denver Parks Department in April, 2007 telling us that the trunk of this tree was hollow and a danger to the community. We needed to choose one of the approved tree removal companies and take it down within 45 days. It was a real sad time as we collected bids from a number of companies; not only for the loss of the tree but for us as well. We were getting quotes upwards of $2000.

I called the arbor agent and told him that the expense was way beyond our budget. He mentioned that if we did nothing, the department would remove the tree for $903. Uh, can I get that in writing?

So we did nothing and sure enough on June 2, this was confirmed in a letter. And on July 6-7, the tree was removed. On July 9, the stump was ground down. Here are some pictures I took of the process.













We were able to use some of the branches to line the plant beds in our backyard so the tree's spirit is still around. But never again will our home be shaded by the canopy of a silver maple tree. (You can no longer plant these trees in the city of Denver.) Nor will the bees, who lived in the trunk longer than we lived in the house, have a home as I explain in this video.

Joan Collins Explains It All For You

Joan's diary documents her experience with Linda Evans while they toured in Legends. It's a real-life Valley of the Dolls. But facts are facts: Linda Evans was horrible AND she does have a trout pout. I can barely look at that ponem without shuddering; I can't imagine having to play off it every night on stage.

That said, it's also an interesting take on what it's like to work in live theatre. Comments every night from stage manager, choreographing fights, trying new bits (within directorial context, of course), etc. A fun read.

HEART Rocks! In Englewood, CO?

I had not expected Heart to be playing the Denver area as there had been no date announced for the Love Rules 2007 trek. But, three weeks after the tour's announcement, my own heart jumped when Concerts for Kids announced a double bill of fund-raising entertainment with Michael MacDonald and special guest star Heart. What little newspaper advertising there was (buried in a list ad placed in the alternative newsweekly) did not lead me to believe that this was going to attract an audience of Heartmongers. And then of course the unspoken - Heart opening for Michael MacDonald? Someone has a screw loose. With this in mind, I went, on June 8, 2007, to see Heart at the Coors Amphitheatre in Englewood, CO, a suburb of Denver.



When I approached the box office, the marquee listed Heart above Michael MacDonald. Strange considering Heart was opening for Michael MacDonald. I was offered a ticket in the third row for $1000 (come on, it's for charity) and one in the 9th row for $75. Guess which one I took?

I got there at 7 en pointe to see Heart. There were maybe a hundred people already seated. I could not believe Heart would have to play to such an empty venue. (I've seen the band seven times and never was the venue NOT sold out.) At 7:10, two nattily dressed women and one nattily dressed man came out, and introduced themselves. (I recognized one of the femmes from the local news station.) The three were blathering about the evening's events which had already included a two hour pre-concert banquet. They were now coaxing 400 people from the banquet tent next door to the amphitheatre so they could start the show because 'Michael MacDonald is ready backstage and will be out here in five to ten minutes'.

That's when I woke up. You see, there is no way I'm sitting through two hours of Michael MacDonald Motown covers. Definitely the Doobies. Maybe the early 80s solo period. I know. I know. I'm sure he did those songs but you had to sit through some dreck to get there. Anyway, I had something else I could've been doing. (Someday I'll tell you.) So I left my seat to try and leave the amphitheatre (which is generally a no-no). Now read and learn: I went to the gate and asked for the Gate Supervisor. The Gate Supervisor. He allowed me to leave and come back later. (TIP: Always go to the supervisor.) Whew. I dodged that bullet. So had a nice dinner.and did my something. (8/17/07: add link)

At 9:00 en pointe I returned and took my seat in the 9th row. The blatherers returned and announced their intention to auction off items signed by, as local TV personality Molly Hughes so painfully pointed out, "Heart and the Williams sisters and Michael MacDonald band." (TIP TO MISS HUGHES: Investigation before blathering makes you sound more intelligent. And frankly, I was shocked that the constant - Ann and Nancy Wilson make up the core of Heart - was not a basic fact to her. Criminy, everyone knows that.) The amphitheatre had filled up by now although the lawn and rear seats were sparse at best. (I believe the venue holds 8-10,000.) The audience was monied, skewing older (I saw 60s), and dressed to the nines. They were somewhat snockered from the banquet, and chatting away throughout the rest of the show. I was right; not a Heartmonger crowd. I begin to wonder if Heart's set list will be different because of this.

The auction was for two standard wood acoustic guitars (recently purchased at the Guitar Center, I'm sure) that had been signed with a Sharpie, as it turns out, by Ann and Nancy Wilson and Michael MacDonald (no band). The auction itself was pitiful although it was obvious that people have money to spend. MacDonald's guitar sold for $8000; Heart's $12,000, (Yes! Heart! I knew you should headline the show.) And at 9:10 pm they did.

CAUTION: Before beginning the concert recap, I must make two points regarding the videos you can click on: the sound in the venue was HORRIBLE. And the crowd spent a great deal of time talking amongst themselves. That said, enjoy the videos with a grain of salt.

Heart comes out...literally.



Out of the box, the band played Magic Man. It seemed they were not hedging their bets.

"Don't remember us? This'll jog your memory."

Good tactic as it turned out. The crowd was on its feet and screaming. I guess thirty years ago these older folks knew Heart AND this song. I was a little disappointed (as I read they opened the Dallas show with Mistral Wind) but the performance was good and the crowd was pumped. I assumed this was going to be a hits show - there's no way I'll be hearing This Man Is Mine tonight. (Not that I ever hear This Man Is Mine. And yes, I love the album Private Audition - and have it on CD, puff, puff.)

After Ann's opening comment about 'rocking us with all the breath they can muster', she took a deep one and the band went right into Little Queen, an admittedly odd choice if they were doing what I had predicted but it was a single and I believe Top 50 so it did fit. The audience stayed on their feet and danced (which impressed me), and Heart was winning me over yet again. I love Little Queen.

Next, they start the drum beat (?) at the beginning of Straight On and the audience started sitting down in droves. I knew what was coming and was not sitting down. I was dancing to Straight On, man. Then Ann started, "Quite some time..." Immediately, the audience got back up and cheered and danced! This wasn't even a 'huge' hit; it peaked at 33. (Wait, that was Dog and Butterfly. Maybe Straight On peaked at 14.) But the audience obviously knew and loved the song and Heart did a bang-up version. In fact, the band was incredible. Ann and Nancy. What can I say? Every time I see them it's like the first time (and I've been seeing them since 1978.) The new girl playing the keyboards was phenomenal. Her Magic Man tremoloes were amazing. And the guys were just as much a part of the band, all excelling in their areas. (I'm not a musician and don't know a guitar from a bass.)

Love Alive was next. The Epic stuff was really being played.



Following, Nancy told the story about receiving a fan letter, sweetly bringing it full circle to the Concert for Kids and sequeing into a hot version of Bebe Le Strange.

The next song was a Nancy solo. The audience (as I) loved the song and the performance. I did not recognize it but here is a video for the last half. What's the title? (Thanks to Anonymous who let me know that the song is Tom Petty's You Wreck Me. Must be a newer song because I know his earlier stuff. Hmmm...that sounds pretentious, doesn't it? I'm really not. Really.)



They slowed the pace down with Dog and Butterfly followed by These Dreams. The balladic pace continued with Alone, a beautiful acoustic version. Halfway through Ann used her voice for the build (rather than the instrumentation as on the track) and the crowd went wild, standing and singing for the rest of the song. Next was another tour de force: Heart covers the Who's Reign O'er Me. It was incredible. I was dumb struck and awe struck and only realized halfway through the song that I wanted to see this again. The video starts in the middle and that's my melodious voice closing the clip. Incredible vocal, Ann.



Barracuda followed and I sat down. I love it but I needed a rest. One blonde bimbo tapped me and said, "You're the Heart guy. How come you're sitting?" I guess I became the Heart guy because of my shout out to Ms. Hughes that is was 'the Wilson sisters, for Christ's sake, not the Williams sisters' as well as my Desire Walks On shirt. (Yes, I have one. It's a promo for the record.)

NEWS: Have you heard Fergie's version of Barracuda? Faithful cover with nothing new or interesting added but Fergie does a credible job as a rock singer. Hearing this new version though made me long to hear the original. And, I am so glad they didn't insert some ridiculous rap in the middle of it.

I got up again as Heart closed the show with Crazy on You. I was, after all, the Heart guy.

The first encore followed with covers of Black Dog and Misty Mountain Hop (not D'yer Mak'er as previously reported) by Led Zeppelin.



A second encore ended the show with Dreamboat Annie.

Man, those ladies rocked this Denver suburb. I can't wait to see them on August 27 at the Mountain Winery in California where they've sold out two shows again. (This will be a Heartmonger show as it has been the last few times I've seen them there.) Ann gave us Coloradans a glimmer of hope though when she left the stage saying something to the effect of 'we'll be back' and gave a wink. I know she was speaking directly to me and not that guy (or gal) who paid $12,000 for a guitar for tax purposes. (FYI, I'm not really a Coloradan. I'm a Californian but that's another story.)

Heart really took this audience over the top considering it's collective drawbacks. And even with the bad sound, I would guess that most of them left the venue as Heartmongers-to-be, or Heartmongers for a night, or Faux Heartmongers. Whichever you choose, they'll be telling their friends, "Heart Rocked! in Englewood, CO!"

__________

Dear Ann and Nancy,

It's got to be you reading my letter!

As a long time fan, I thought I'd make a request. This Man is Mine, Allies, Love Me Like Music, Will You Be There, Here Song/Devil Delight, Cook With Fire (...for the first time in Memphis...), Bright Light Girl...I can go on but I won't. Well, I'd freak if the set list was mixed up a bit with, okay, one of my favorites. I'll be at Saratoga on the 27th (not the 1st). Now forget that you read this. It's embarassing. Although I feel like a kid again. I think this is a fan letter. No. It's a fan log. It's a flog. Congratulations, ladies, for being the first to be honored by a flog.

See ya' in CA.

michael

Frightening but true...

...Barbra Streisand went to Sonora, California in 1999 to help Sierra Repertory Theatre with their fundraising and tore the roof off the sucker!

'Twasn't easy with those nails either.